Your emotions are valid, even when they make others uncomfortable

Your emotions are valid, even when they make others uncomfortable

When emotions such as anger, resentment or jealousy surface in our relationships, our first response can often be an attempt to invalidate the other person’s emotional experience so that we don’t have to deal with what’s coming up. The most common way we do this is by shaming the person who experiences the emotion, calling them things like ‘too emotional’, ‘overly sensitive’, or even ‘crazy’ and ‘psychotic’, because their experience, for whatever reason, creates discomfort within us. ⠀

In our culture, we haven’t learnt to hold space for our emotions, let alone each other’s emotional experiences.⠀

The truth is that every single emotion we have experienced since we were born is valid. This means:⠀

♦️ No emotion ever came up without something happening first. Maybe it was an event our culture considers ‘big’ or something we’d call ‘small’ – but something HAS happened, even if it is an incident that we have mainly experienced internally ⠀

♦️ The incidents we are triggered by usually happen in the present but they are also often linked to past events, without us even knowing it. So no event is insignificant and should be dismissed as unimportant if it causes an emotional reaction⠀

♦️ Despite what we’ve been taught, we’re not in control of our emotions, especially on a more subconscious level. Yes, we can certainly get a lot better at regulating them, but we will always remain human and some days will be more difficult than others – so complete emotional control does not exist (N.B. suppressing emotions doesn’t mean we’re in control of them)⠀

♦️ Holding space for someone to feel what they feel doesn’t mean we’re trying to rescue or fix them. It means truly listening to them = not judging but trying to understand what they’ve been going through with open ears, compassion, and curiosity. Sometimes, silence (active not passive) can be the best indicator that someone is giving us space to just be and feel ⠀

♦️ Emotions carry valuable lessons within them and when we deprive us or others of experiencing them we’re missing out on those lessons⠀

What lessons have emotions taught you?

Love & grace,

Effie